In my many years of officiating weddings I have found that most couples spend more time planning their weddings than their marriages! With divorce rates at an all time high, it seems that couples are facing more challenges than ever in preserving their relationship stability. If you think about the amount of financial and emotional investment that goes into preparing for the wedding itself, it only makes since to invest a little time and finance into building the foundation of a marriage.
I offer several easy and convenient ways that you and your fiancé can participate in this wonderful marriage building experience.
- Option # 1 “The Traditional Premarital Counseling Session”
An officially trained premarital counselor meets with you and your fiancé for private counseling sessions. Each session will last up to 45 minutes in length. Clients will be given homework assignments and handouts that help in forming a lasting marital relationship. A minimum of two sessions is required. Each session is tailor made in accords to the couples goals and needs. Upon completion the couple will be awarded a premarital counseling certificate and will also receive $32.50 off their marital license when presenting the certificate to the court clerk before purchasing the marital license.
- Option # 2 “Premarital Counseling Kit”
A prepared “Premarital Counseling Kit” that will be emailed to you. The kit contains exercises and assignments that you and your fiancé can do together. After completing the kit send an email stating your completion. Please send email to info@apersonalwedding.com. A signed premarital counseling certificate will be mailed to you and you will receive $32.50 off the marital license when presenting the certificate to the court clerk before purchasing the marital license. The “Premarital Counseling Kit” costs $15.00, but again you are saving an additional $15.00 off the marital license. Payments need to mailed and received before the kit will be sent. Simply email at info@apersonalwedding.com for the mailing address.
In order to counteract the rapidly rising statistic of divorce, each of us, before entering into marriage should become proactive in our premarital relationship and seek premarital counseling as a way to prevent such tragedy from occurring. In my years of marital counseling I have noted for you three main reasons for premarital counseling that when worked on will help to ensure a long lasting loving marital relationship.
- Unrealistic Expectations Which Lead to Disillusionment.
In approaching marriage, many couples assume that their relationship is unique and invulnerable to the threats which destroy so many other relationships. In his book on premarital counseling, Aaron Rutledge writes that modern couples expect marriage to provide self-development and fulfillment; mutual expressions of affection; satisfaction of sexual urges; a sharing of child-rearing responsibilities; a mutual experience of status, belongingness and security; and shared interests in friends, recreation, worship, and creative work. In the history of mankind, Rutledge writes, never have “so many expected so much from marriage and family life.”
Unlike previous generations, people today expect a high degree of satisfaction in all these areas at the same time. However, there is no realization that meaningful marriages grow slowly and only with effort. Often there is impatience, insensitivity, self-centered attitudes, inadequate skill in relating and great disappointment or disillusionment when one’s expectations for marriage are not met quickly.
Premarital counseling lets couples express, discuss and realistically modify their expectations for marriage. Conflicting expectations can be seen and hopefully resolved. With the counselor’s help the couple also can learn that expectations can only be met by mutual giving and effort. Such learning comes slowly, but it can help couples anticipate and sometimes avoid the disillusionment that comes to so many marriages.
- Personal Immaturity Which Leads to Insensitivity.
What comes out of a marriage depends primarily on what is brought into the relationship. If one or both of the participants is self-centered, hypercritical, impatient, competitive, or striving for status—that is, immature—these characteristics will put a strain on marital stability.
Among the important but difficult goals in premarital counseling is to uncover and discuss any self-centered tendencies which might put stress on a marriage. The couple must be taught how to resolve their differences, and to develop an appreciation for each other’s needs and individuality.
- Changing Roles Which Lead to Confusion.
There was a time when the roles of husband and wife were clearly defined and widely accepted in our society. Within recent years, however, the roles have been changing and this has caused many marriages and families to be confused, since nobody seems to now who is to do what. When a man and woman each come to marriage with unclear roles and vague expectations about their own and each other’s responsibilities, then the stage is set for both confusion and conflict.
Premarital Counseling provides opportunity for a couple to discuss their views and expectations about their roles in marriage. For cohabitating couples, although you may assume your roles will stay the same, don’t fall for this assumption. Marriage changes everything!!! Your roles will most definitely change (I counsel many marital couples who fell for this assumption). In premarital counseling, the couple can learn to accept their different abilities and decide on areas of responsibility.
Conclusion: Statistics about the divorce rate are outdated almost before they appear in print. We do not need statistics, however, to support the conclusion that marriages are breaking up with alarming frequency. Premarital counseling helps to build stable foundations to undergird new marriages which will endure.
* If you would like to talk further on this subject (perhaps arrange a session) or are experiencing marital difficulties please feel free to email me anytime at info@apersonalwedding.com.
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